“Why didn’t you call me?” Angellina shook her head.
“I don’t know, I thought you may have been asleep.” I said.
“Jo, I literally live right next to him.”
I looked down at my shoes and glanced over to the bruise on my left knee. I sighed, “I shouldn’t have messaged him in the first place, it was stupid. I was vulnerable and I was idiotic to initiate it.”
“Don’t blame yourself for anything.” Angellina grabbed my hand and held it tight. Real tight, even though my palms were sweaty. “It doesn’t mean what he did was okay.”
My eyes filled with tears, but I didn’t want Angellina to see me cry. I would never want my best friend to see me weak. Even though I was. At least I felt weak. I felt like my bones were going to pop out of my body and give out.
“He… he told me to walk home.”
“WHAT? Are you serious?”
I wiped my nose with my sleeve and nodded.
“What a dick. Block him on everything.”
We stopped talking for a minute. We could do that. We could talk or not talk, it didn’t matter. What mattered is the fact we were with each other.
“I’m so sorry Jo.”
I took a deep breath, “It’s fine. I’m fine.”
I wasn’t fine. Not even close. I could still feel the cold air from that night, climbing out of his car. His voice was stuck in my head, “Wow, that was good. Thanks for being my sex slave haha. You can walk home, right? I mean, you just live a couple blocks up the street.”
I inhaled back to the present. My thighs were sore and I still had a bump on my head from him pushing me against the back seat. My entire body hurt.
I really don’t know why I didn’t tell him to stop. To stop kissing me. To stop choking me. To stop pushing me and touching me everywhere.
Why couldn’t I say it?
I remember watching the videos of these situations in high school rallies, and the vice principal saying, “No means no.”
But I didn’t say no. I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. I felt frozen. And I never thought this would happen to me, along with so many other people.
I’m okay now. I’m not the only one.